Layin' it all out there

Today was hard for me.  As I walked up the stairs to the YWCA, I felt great, chatted with the front desk girl, and then BAM the trainer came out.  Then I got all jittery and shaky, wondering if I was really doing the right thing.  Yes, I kept telling myself, I am.  She gave me a tour of the Y, which is in this big, old building and we walked through the gymnasium.  It brought back some great and some not so great memories of high school basketball.  The gym was about the same size, smelled like the sealer my old school used and everything.  *sigh*.  Honestly, other than that,  I just don't remember much of the tour...I was so dang nervous.

She gave me an "out," but I didn't take it.  We filled out paper work, then came the dreaded scale, body fat tester and tape measure.  Oh, and the camera.  How could I forget the camera?  Front, turn to the side, back and oh yeah, by the way, take your shirt off.  Woah, what?!?!  Yep, she assured me that I would be grateful in 6 months that I let her take that picture.  Yes, I had my bra on, but for the first time ever, I feel like I bared my soul.  I've always taken extra effort to cover myself up, and today I couldn't avoid it.

Anyways, first training session is Tuesday at 7am.  Wish me luck!

Accountability

I'm honestly not sure when I'm going to make this blog public (i.e. send it to my family and friends) but I"m starting it for some accountability.  Without accountability, this journey that I'm on to lose 100lbs won't be a successful one, I know that.  I'm not going to lie to myself.  See, I had a gym membership for nearly a year, but how many times did I actually use it?  Twice.  That's it.  By joining the program at the local Y, I'm hoping for another layer of accountability -- the trainer and leader of the program.

I have 100lbs to lose.  More really, but that's my goal.  It's for me, for my little boy, for my husband.  I know I'm not healthy and it really is awful.  It's a sinking, pit in the bottom of my stomach.  I despise going clothing shopping, I don't even like to go swimming because I know how awful I look.  We want to have another baby, but I HAVE to get healthy first.

Tomorrow, the journey really starts.  I meet with the trainer and we will be coming up with a plan of action to get my to my goal...can I do it?  I'm full of hope and possibility right now, but what will happen on that morning when I don't want to get out of bed at 6am to go to the gym?  I'll have to dig deeper and find my "hidden grain of steel called will."